Why is it so hard make my child do changes?
Life is a constant change, that is reflected from birth. From children, we change as time passes, from only sleep and do basic needs, we began to crawl, then walk, run, etc.. Like all changes there are some changes that can be made faster and others do not. For example, there are children who stop using pampers very quickly and can give us the impression that it should be easy for others, but the reality is that we are not all equal.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
Lao Tzu
What my children teach me every day is that even though they are children of the same parents, eating the same food every day, being every day exposed to the same environment, etc., each one is different in every way. The oldest when is time to eat, does it very fast. The second can sit there for an hour and barely eat and the smallest just sit eats and drinks plenty of water.
The second loves making different sounds and seems to be good with languages on the other hand the oldest one is finding it difficult to learn English. It does not mean they cannot learn something they find difficult, but as parents we need to accept that sometimes even trying changes in the same way, can get very different results. Then, how do we promote changes in our children?
We must first come to realize that:
1. Our children are different from ourselves and each other.
2. The changes are not immediate; in some cases it’s going to take longer than in others.
3. If we make many changes at once, we put too much pressure on our children’s lives.
4. Many times we will see progress and immediately afterwards we’ll see them going back as before.
5. In some cases they may not be ready for the change we want to make (e.g. not using pampers anymore) that’s why they refuse to it so much.
Change is not an event, it is a process.
Chip & Dan Heath (Switch)
Once we accept this, when we are going to make a major change in the lives of our children, we would need lots of patience. If we can promote change in a fun way we could more easily help our children to accept the changes we want. For example, every time they go to the bathroom alone, they earn a star; instead of giving them the baby bottle we give them milk in a super special cup (just for the milk); when they put on their pajamas they will earn a sticker, etc…
Yes! It is true, we should not give awards for everything, but we can use them to initiate changes and make the change not being so traumatic. I handed my own kids a lot of stickers for put on their pajamas but time pass and currently I don’t hand them stickers, my children get in their pajamas and seek their fairy tales books to read at night.
Remember that although the change or changes we are trying to achieve in our children, we adults may see it as something simple but it might be difficult for them. We must also remember that sometimes children go through stages, they mature and grow at their own pace and when we least expect it, that thing we so much wanted to change and couldn’t, they’re changing it by themselves.
This too shall Pass
Proverb
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